Dear State of Arkansas

Dear State of Arkansas

Dear State of Arkansas, I love you. You are my hometown – born and raised there…family and so many memories there. You are in my blood. I live just across the river from you right now. But we gotta talk. For the love of all things holy, QUIT DRIVING IN THE LEFT LANE. PULL OVER TO THE DADGUM RIGHT!!!!!!

The stretch of interstate between West Memphis, AR (my amazing hometown) and Little Rock, AR  is one of the busiest in the country. West Memphis is where interstate 40 and interstate 55 meet; therefore, we are swamped with 18-wheelers. But for whatever reason, from West Memphis to Little Rock is only two lanes each direction. All you can see for miles ahead of you are wheels…so many wheels on those dern trucks. So it’s pertinent that folks in the left lane are moving quickly. If you’re just passing someone on the right, then pass and get on back over in the right…quickly. You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT, just toot along in that left lane going the speed limit or lower!!!!

I realize you may be busy practicing your duck call, or licking the Cheetos off your fingers, or talking about if the Hogs are gonna be any good this season – you’re distracted and just toting along in that left lane. But you must know that them Cheeto fingers are holding up folks behind you. (By the way, Cheeto fingers are the very best.)  And there’s nowhere else to go on the right because of the fricking 18 wheelers!!!!!  We have a major dilemma on our hands. Folks have got places to go and people to see.

And why on earth do you get all bowed up mad when I try to pass you on the right?  Why you gotta start to speed up and look all me all mad-like?!!!  I ain’t tryin’ to fight you. I mean, this isn’t a race now that I’m passing your slow poke butt. You can just slide to the right and keep doing whatever you were doing whilst in the left lane. It’s like you think your pride is gonna be crushed if you let me pass you. Or like you’re a loser. Dude, I just need to get where I’m going…while my cruise control is set to 9MPH over the speed limit. That’s another thing – cruise control would be very beneficial for those of you on the interstate. You should try it.


On on another note, the following vehicles should never be in the left lane:

18 wheeler

any vehicle pulling another vehicle

any vehicle pulling pigs

any vehicle pulling horses

any vehicle pulling cows

any vehicle pulling any dang animal

any vehicle pulling a 4 wheeler or other ATV

any vehicle pulling a dead deer

any vehicle with a church name on it

any vehicle with the name “senior” in the title

any vehicle that is currently using a spare tire

a UHaul

any vehicle that ends in -van

That’s all I can think of right now that I saw on my recent road trip, but I’m sure more will pop into my mind later. Any of these aforementioned vehicles should be in the left lane, if and only if, there is no traffic behind them and they can quickly pass the vehicle in front of them and then IMMEDIATELY scoot back in the right lane.

I love you Arkansas, I really do…but after driving through other states, I came to realize that it’s yall who are doing all the holdin’ up…so I thought I could just pass on a little advice. Take it or leave it, but Lord have mercy I hope y’all take it!


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